Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize