Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
