dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
