I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
