Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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