Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
