so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
