And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
