My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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