the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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