guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
