I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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