he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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