Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
