Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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