We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
