Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize