We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
