My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
