I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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