ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Houston, we have a squirter
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
