WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i think i just lost a toe
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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