I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i love accidental penises.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
