You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
