yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
