I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
