Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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