i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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