who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize