My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
