I wish I could punch you in the face.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
