you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So here I am, sexting at work.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
