GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
