they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
