dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he fucked my hip out of place.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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