We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
