My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
