you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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