I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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