I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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