dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
