On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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