You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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