please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
