we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
