It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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