There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
