Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
