guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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