Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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