dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
