I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
