He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why are your pants in the freezer?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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