Kiss
Puke
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
