Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Your cock deserves a montage
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize