idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
