I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
