just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
