There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
