Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
