bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
