She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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