think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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