I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
