I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
