Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
