i think my tv is drunk
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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