I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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