I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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