i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
