Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
