My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
