and you said cock pushups were impossible
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
